A Child’s Guide for Loving Your Parents

Julie Doherty Naturopathic Physician Mount Gambier, South Australia

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Parents Are Human: Children – Parents Need Your Love, Intuition, and Guidance

I have a keen passion to help, to build healthy, loving and happy families.

One of the missed subjects is how you, as a child, can love and support your parents in the best possible way.

As children you are people within your own right. For a family to remain connected for a lifetime, it will take support from one another, understanding, empathy and commitment from each person working together.

This article will support and help children with parents who are present and doing their best.

Let’s walk through some steps for how this can be achieved.

The Concept of Understanding and Foundation

This concept will help you. Understand that you chose your parents and they chose you for the lessons that you are all about to learn. These will unfold over your lifetime. This all happened before you were even born. So, your parents aren’t commodities (something that can be bought or sold, traded in or exchanged for a better model), nor should they be taken for granted.

However, as I say this I know there are many children who are fostered or adopted because their birth parents aren’t able to cope or have passed away. The support I'm sharing with you can still be applied to your fostered or adopted parents.

Cut them a little slack: There will be times when your parents are tired and grumpy. They have a lot going on—building a relationship between the two of you; being there for you; caring for you and teaching you about life; providing a home that each of you can enjoy and be happy with; cleaning the house, cooking meals, shopping, gardening and fixing the house as necessary; paying the bills, maintaining a job or career to provide the income necessary to feed you, educate you, and provide a quality of life. The list goes on, but I'm sure you got the message.
Ask questions: If there is something you don’t know or don’t know how to do, then ask. If mum or dad seem a little off, angry or upset, it might be nice to ask them, “Mum/Dad you don’t seem yourself, is everything OK?" Maybe give them a hug. If you don’t feel comfortable to ask questions then you might go and read a book, play outside, sing your favourite song. Just give them some space until they are feeling better.
Listen: It is important to listen to your parents and what they have to say. You may not always agree, but listening is an important part of learning.
Respect: Respect is an interesting word and one you will hear it often when you're growing up. The meaning of respect is when you have a deep feeling of love, warmth and happiness toward someone. It might be that they have treated you nice, or that they made you feel happy by saying something kind to you. It might also be, in your parent's case, having respect for the fact they are working to provide you a good life, feeding you, keeping you safe and warm. However, sometimes respect can just be as simple as being kind to someone because they are doing their best.
Be kind: No matter your situation being kind will make life easier. Being kind also means being kind to yourself and your brothers or sisters as well. Allow your parents to reprimand you if you are doing something wrong, or that could be harmful to yourself or someone else. But if your parents get nasty, by saying things like “you’re dumb” or “you are always doing things wrong”, allow your parents to know gently that you don’t like being spoken to in that way and it hurts your feelings.
Clean up after yourself and have your bedroom tidy and clean: This gives you a special place to go if you are feeling upset when life isn’t going well.
Forgiveness: No one is perfect, and life isn’t perfect. Forgiveness is about understanding that each person, including your parents, will say and do things that they don’t mean. There will be a few days where something will go wrong, or where someone will make you upset or annoy you. Find something that makes you feel happy that will distract you. Like learning something from school that you might be finding difficult. If it is a really uncomfortable situation where anger is involved then go to your safe place to do something that will take your mind away from what is happening.
Speak to someone you can trust: I just want to mention here that I always believed in God. That might sound crazy, but I did before anyone ever told me anything about God/Higher Power. I talked and prayed to God each and every day like a best friend and still do. Also to help you feel and think better, there are school counsellors you can go to. There is a saying, “That a problem shared is a problem halved”. It is not uncommon that, no matter how good your parents are, there may be things that are easier for you to talk about with someone else.
Love your parents: There will be times where you won’t always like your parents for whatever reasons. It is important that, during these times, you do not let these feelings overrule your love for them, to understand that you are your own person, and you can be how you want to be and who you want to be.

No matter whether you have the best parents in the world or the worst parents, they are your parents and how you choose to learn from them is within you. Sometimes the most challenging parents are the ones you will learn the most from. Always remember that it is in rising above the challenges in life that will build courage, strength, love and empathy.

If you are an adult child reading this ,get to know your parents in your adult years. You may have to put some distance or boundaries in place so you can be feel comfortable, but I urge you to get to know your parents. Look past their faults, love them, and enjoy the person who lies within and not the person you previously saw or remember.