Fair Weather Friends: Is Fibromyalgia a Bridge-Burner Disease?

Fibromyalgia can cause a wide variety of symptoms, which include persistent and excessive pain and fatigue, to depression, anxiety and other psychological symptoms. However, when it comes to chronic illnesses like this one, an unexpected side-effect is the detachment from friendships because of a patient's severe and chronic symptoms, which often drive them to isolate themselves from society, a little bit at a time. 

For many patients, as their condition progresses and the symptoms worsen, they lose the ability (or rather, the willpower) to keep up with their friendships, and isolation sometimes becomes an inevitable part of the disease.

Fibromyalgia is a chronic illness characterized by constant and excessive pain, which is focused on several parts of the person’s body, called ‘tender points’. These sensitive spots vary from person to person; no two manifestations of fibromyalgia are ever the same. What doesn’t vary, however, is the excessive pain experienced by patients, which often leaves them bedridden for days at times. Fibromyalgia is believed to be caused by a chemical imbalance in the patient’s central nervous system, which leads to conditions such as generalized hyperalgesia and allodynia, which makes up the bulk of its symptoms.

Moving on, the physical symptoms brought about by the disease, and the physical limitations enacted by these often take its toll on the patient’s psyche. Consequently, depression and anxiety become commonplace in fibromyalgia, especially in those that seldom seek treatment for their condition.

Fortunately, despite being an incurable condition, living with fibromyalgia becomes a little more easier when the patient begins to understand their condition and strives to take measures to ease its symptoms. The disease can be kept in check with a proper combination of medical treatment, physical exercise, and proper dieting to counteract its symptoms.

Another vital element of the treatment for fibromyalgia is the dependency on friends and family to share the psychological burden of the disease and to receive emotional support when the going gets tough. However, as experience has proven in many cases, maintaining friendships becomes difficult when the person can no longer keep up with the activities that they used to share with their peers.

The burden of friendship

For many fibromyalgia patients, downtime often translates to ‘me’ time, or recovery time, where they try to relax and find respite from the symptoms. In this sense, keeping up with the activities that the patient once shared with their friends becomes a physical and emotional burden.

Girls’ night out on Friday after work becomes time to recuperate from the daily grind. Similarly, game night with the boys becomes a chore when all the patient wants to do is lie down on their bed all day. However, while lying down can be a source of respite for some, it is a veritable prison for others as it metaphorically robs them of their ability to perform certain tasks and activities.

Those diagnosed with fibromyalgia are often helpless to stop the pain that stems from their condition. Even after following the treatment plan, the pain can limit the physical prowess of the patient, therefore limiting their performance at certain activities. Hobbies like dancing, rock climbing, soccer, or basically any discipline that requires physical activity become an impossibility for those with fibromyalgia. This, in turn, becomes a great source of distress for many, and watching others partake of these activities can trigger feelings of inadequacy in patients, which drives them further into isolation. The activities they once shared with friends, and which used to bring great joy are now a source of longing and depression.

After some time being confined to a bed, hoping that the pain will subside at some point, the patients usually become very selective about which social outing invitations to accept because the criteria to determine whether to accept or decline becomes influenced not by the appreciation felt by the invitee, but by the amount of effort that will be required in order to move to the location. Also, the number of people that will be in the location, as well as the number of bathrooms, the availability of seating arrangements, and the duration of the event become essential to determining attendance or not. As time goes by, and as the disease progresses, fewer invitations are accepted, until there comes a point when they eventually stop arriving; an inevitable outcome of fibromyalgia.

However, as invitations subside, so do the interactions between the patient and friendships and they diminish in both quality and quantity. Eventually, they stop entirely with all but the closest friendships and are replaced by shadows of these former relationships. Some individuals might even begin to attack the patient directly, pointing how the latter has changed, and how he or she barely makes any time to spend with them anymore. Patients mentioned receiving antagonistic messages through both their cellphone, as well as on the internet, from former friends who no longer understand the situation that the patient is going through. On top of the physical pain, the emotional burden of the disease will then fall entirely on the patient, imposing further stress on him or her.

However, this seems to be unfortunately common for those dealing with a chronic illness, and not just for those struggling with fibromyalgia. Some patients speculate that their condition forces others to deal with their own mortality, and being friends with someone suffering from a chronic illness can hit a bit close to home in that regard. Other patients suggest that, by keeping a realistic, if not a bit pessimistic view on society as a whole, they will cease being blindsided by unsupportive friends and family, and instead will be pleasantly surprised when meeting someone that actually understands what they’re going through and offers much-needed emotional support.

Knowing that they are not alone in a world that mostly pities—and sometimes despises—them due to their condition is a huge source of comfort for some fibromyalgia patients. However, some ensure that there actually are people out there willing to be a true friend, and accept the patient for who they are.

But, the difficulty lies in finding who exactly those friends are.