“Having trouble in sex ”
I am Female, 42 years old. I have been trying to have sex as my first time, but my partner's penis does go into. I told him that I am virgin after the second time because he started getting frustrated and I also had so much pain with bleeding. He understood my situation and we already tried 5 times, but still does not go well. I started feeling pressure, and I still have pain when he pushes it. It HURTS. He usually wants to do it right away after we meet and my feeling is not following that fast.
To protect my body, I decided to use gel and practice by myself. I was actually able to put my two fingers into my Virginia today, which I could not do it by last week. I thought it was a big progress and my body is trying to stretch, and I felt better. But he came by today suddenly (it was not plan), tried again, and could not do it.. He got frustrated, and I am also frustrated. We do talk about this a lot. I think my body is still trying to get used to it and needs more time. I see the progress my fingers can now get in, but his size is triple of it. So I think I just need more time. But he thinks -- I am fighting with him psychologically. He says the first time actually hurts, but once penis gets in, it won't hurt anymore. I understand that. BUT I think I am still scared of having pain. He says all I need is to relax (I understand), but I cannot really relax for some reason. We both like each other, and I WANT to do this, but my body is not following well. He wants to try again in two days. What can I do now? I think I am also getting nervous he might eventually leave me if I cannot do it (I do not know, but he wants kids. I am 42 now). I need your help for this situation. Thank you very much.
To protect my body, I decided to use gel and practice by myself. I was actually able to put my two fingers into my Virginia today, which I could not do it by last week. I thought it was a big progress and my body is trying to stretch, and I felt better. But he came by today suddenly (it was not plan), tried again, and could not do it.. He got frustrated, and I am also frustrated. We do talk about this a lot. I think my body is still trying to get used to it and needs more time. I see the progress my fingers can now get in, but his size is triple of it. So I think I just need more time. But he thinks -- I am fighting with him psychologically. He says the first time actually hurts, but once penis gets in, it won't hurt anymore. I understand that. BUT I think I am still scared of having pain. He says all I need is to relax (I understand), but I cannot really relax for some reason. We both like each other, and I WANT to do this, but my body is not following well. He wants to try again in two days. What can I do now? I think I am also getting nervous he might eventually leave me if I cannot do it (I do not know, but he wants kids. I am 42 now). I need your help for this situation. Thank you very much.
Female | 42 years old
Complaint duration: 1 month
Medications: No
Conditions: Healthy
2 Answers
It sounds that you are suffering from vaginismus which is an involuntary spasm of the vaginal muscle in anticipation of pain. There are some medications that can be helpful here. I would suggest you discuss this with your GYN doctor to get some help. Also, a pelvic floor therapist can be of great help.
I would recommend seei a gynecologist. You may have a tight hymenal ring. That can be fixed if needed. Also you are not used to having sex. I assume you are not menopausal. Consult a Gyn doctor.
